Sunday, January 15, 2012

Onward and Onward...

Hello everyone.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. 

If you have been following this little blog of mine, you know these past few months have been a trying time for our family.  Our days and nights seem to blend into one as we lay awake till the wee hours of the morning; sometimes just allowing time to pass by, other times trying to shutdown our minds.

But if nothing else, it has brought a deeper sense of appreciation for family and friends. 

A need to grab onto God's hand and feel his comforting presence at all times.  Often times, it is unfortunately only situations like these that bring awareness to how precious time and life truly are.  Suddenly, some dirty dishes in the sink or a few hand prints on the fridge mean absolutely nothing in this grand show called Life.
 
It is in this context that I wish to share my feelings; thoughts which I have been wanting to write since shortly after publishing my previous post.  You see, I feel in my heart a need to apologize.  Not for my feelings - as it was how I felt at the time - but because complaining about something like not having been credited does not feel right, especially at this point in my life. 

While I contemplated deleting the post, I was reminded that this place serves as a journal of sorts, where I have decided to write how I feel and be as honest as I can.

So many of you offered encouraging words of support, and for that I am truly appreciative.  I also wish to express my gratitude and respect for having received an apology email from the person in question, wherein she expressed regret if my feelings were hurt.  She assured me that if inspired by having seen my post, her omission in not crediting back was an oversight.   As I said in my reply, this is 'water under the bridge' to me.  I have never been able to hold a grudge and I plan to continue living my life that way.
All that aside, this has been an emotional weekend as it was time to prepare our kiddies for the inevitable.  We have tried to shield them from the sadness as best we can, but with time drawing near, we felt in our hearts that we needed to prepare them. 

While still young, they each have a varying degree of understanding of what death truly means.  We met with the three of them individually so to cater the message to match their understanding and relationship with the man they know as 'Gramps'.  One conversation not any easier than the other as we all shed tears.  But our hope is that this will allow our children to prepare and cherish whatever remaining time we have with 'Gramps'.

Last night, my husband and I had a beautiful conversation with his dad and we rejoiced in knowing that we will see him in heaven.  He spoke with conviction about where he is going and yet through it all, his only concern was for us. 'You guys just relax, I'll be fine..moving onward and onward.'  Sometimes his words are hard to make out as he gasps for air or his words try to catch up to his thoughts.  It was not until right now that I understood he was referring to the hymn, Onward Christian Soldiers.  
As the time gets closer, we long for those precious moments of alertness, to hear him speak and just be by his side.  How much more fulfilling would our relationships be if we acted this way at all times towards our loved ones?  

During these past couple of weeks as I have shared our story, I have received so many beautiful words of encouragement, support, but most importantly of hope.  Thank you all for your prayers, thank you for your encouragement, thank you for just being here. 

I wish you a beautiful day! 
much love,
Lucy 

ps.
The pictures you see are those of the roses my husband bought me. I took advantage of a beautiful sunny day and used the flowers for a couple of upcoming posts.  One of which I hope you will love.  A giveaway perhaps?  hmmmm...........;) 



15 comments:

  1. My goodness, my sympathy goes out to you and your family. As well as thoughts and prayers. I hope you all heal as you should but never let go of the loved one. God is with you and watching you all. Big {{hugs}}

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  2. Lucy - so sorry and sad about what yall are going through with Gramps. The roses are beautiful. And I dont think you were complaining at all...just saying your feelings. I was reading the comments and just recently got on Pinterest and posted a Christmas picture. I'm not tech savvy, so i need to go back also and learn about what boards, likes, and pins mean. Sending prayers your way for Gramps oxo

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  3. Lucy, my prayers are with you and your family. Your post helps me put things into context. Tomorrow, my husband and I will be taking my 90-year-old father for his doctor's appointment. It will probably be a trying time for all of us, because Dad's hearing is going. You have helped me to remember to be thankful for every moment we have him and patient in my thankfulness. Annie

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  4. Lucy,
    Your roses are beautiful! Your spirit is beautiful! God loves you just as you are. You are doing a great job preparing the kids, they will thank you later in life. You have a lot on your plate and I'm sure that played a huge role in your response to the "borrowing" of your great project. You are human, and even we Christians have feelings. You recognized what was going on inside and you forgave, that's what we are called to do. I think you set a fabulous example in your blog and I'm glad you left your thoughts as they were.
    I pray things get easier for you. It is never easy to lose a loved one. It's odd how the dying always seem to comfort the living. I'm a retired critical care nurse and I have seen this time after time. It is wonderful to know that you will all be together in Paradise. I am praying for your family! God Bless each of you. May you feel His tender kiss upon your cheek!
    d

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  5. Lucy, your words are beautiful.My thoughts are with you and your family as you face some difficult times ahead.
    Laura

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  6. It is so hard for us earthly beings to let go,isn't it? Even when we KNOW the person is moving forward to a better place, one free of pain and suffering...a journey that will end with joy on their end~and sadness on ours. All life's little things seem diminished in our eyes as we await this process to finish...the leave taking. I have walked in your shoes...and watched my father suffer from Parkinsons and pass when I was 21. I have watched my mother leave her body long before it was ready to go...her mind taken by dementia. I undertand the pain and fear and angst. God bless you, Lu! xo Diana

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  7. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving such a nice comment. I enjoyed making the pincushion trio, although it did make me realize how quickly time goes by...
    I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Trust in the Lord. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. Lucy than you for reminding us about what is really important in life. God Bless your family.
    Susan (Homeroad)

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  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know you will always cherish this time you had together.
    Laura

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  10. Lucy, no apologies are allowed for just being human. Emotions have a way of making us react in the moment. It's ok. Stop being so hard on yourself. We all know your heart through this beautiful blog of yours.

    The time is approaching fast, isn't it. The hardest part is realizing when they are gone, you just can't hold their hand anymore, you can't call them on the phone anymore, not in the way you are used to. Of course, I know one day it will happen, but grasping the concept that my parents won't be here someday is just too hard to ponder right now for me. It's as if I don't feel I'm grown-up enough yet to live without them. Your posts remind me not to take them for granted today, when they are well and alive. God bless.

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  11. Beautiful Lucy. The post, the flowers, everything.
    Such a heart rendering time your family is currently going through, but it sounds as though your fil is being called home, and it definitely is close. The raising of hands, reaching out, the coming in and out, talking like he is, is all part of his final time with you his loved ones. I will keep you in my prayers, but what a blessing that you know and your fil knows without a shadow of doubt where he is headed and that he will soon be with Jesus. I have lost my Mom, and I cling to the promise that one day we too will reunite in Heaven.
    Blessings to you and your family...
    Gretchen

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  12. What a beautiful person shows through in your writing! Your father-in-law is blessed to have you! May your whole family feel the comfort that only God can give.

    Betty

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  13. Je vous envois beaucoup de courage
    Agnès

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  14. God is faithful, Lucy. What a blessing that you all know the Lord and will be together for eternity. ♥

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  15. Thanks to all for your words, you guys are such source of strength and encouragement to me....thank you, thank you...xoxo
    Lu

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